I could possibly be type A, but I don’t actually know. I do know I get a little antsy when things don’t go perfectly or at least as planned. Part of my weekly routine is watching the clock, looking at the calendar, posting reminders and basically trying to maintain complete control over deadlines and projects. This is not reality, I know. But clinging to these ideas of perfection and getting things done on time is my strength, the rope I hang onto.
My weakness is in the thinking of when and how my projects can be completed and rolled out properly. Sadly life happens, shit happens and events are imperfectly organized into a messy little ball. Sometimes I think people are here, living out battles and challenges that are meant to teach us something. I have yet to learn why my perfectionist behavior is my teacher. Probably so I can learn to laugh it off and let it go. Enjoy life, my inner voice is telling me, stop being so uptight.
Here’s the thing, being aware of the lesson, the life challenge doesn’t make it disappear. We can only embrace it, learn from it and do the best we can. I have a hard time even admitting this is an issue for me. Part of me just wants to dance in the sunlight and swim all day. The other part thrives on getting things done, creating new projects and finishing them!!
So NO, we can’t control everything, we must do the best we can and then let go.